Unexpected Blessings

I just want to share with everyone how much God has been blessing me these past few weeks. I know that I have written about this before, but I think we can certainly be reminded. A few weeks ago God was pressing me to let somethings go and it took me awhile but I did it. It was until tonight that I realized this, but ever since then God has just showered me with unexpected blessings. I can't help but smile.....I'm smiling right now...If you could only see. hehe. He really does work in mysterious ways. I love this freedom that I have right now. The freedom to not be in control anymore! I love knowing that the King of Glory, Grace, Peace, and Mercy is the one in control of my life. It makes me feel loved.......


The Love of the Father is like a sudden rain shower that will pour forth when you least expect it, catching you up into wonder and praise.
Richard J. Foster

Walkabout 2005

Alright so I finally got my pictures back from walkabout. As most of you know I am on leadership this year at Warner and as part of the initiation at the beginning of the year all of leadership goes on a 7 day backpacking trip up Mt. Adams. It is called walkabout. It was hard but on of the greatest experiences I have had in my life. God taught me so much throught the challenges I faced each day, and it really forced me to put all my trust in Him. It was so relaxing to be in the wilderness for a week. There was no internet or cell phone to worry about. One of things the I miss the most was falling asleep under the stars each night. So anyway here are the pictures!

Aren't they just the cutest! This is Barnabas and Aaron. They were getting all the air out of the tarp....I think they just wanted to hug.
So each day two different people lead the group to our next camp. This was Aaron and I when we were the leaders for the day and finally reached our camp. I have never been so happy to see a lake!
This was my WONDERFUL group! We had so much fun and really got to know eachother really, really well!
This was the last day after our 5 mile run. We were getting ready to head home!
This was the first day of hiking. That is Mt. Adams in the background. I climbed that! It had only been one day of not showering in this picture, so we don't look to nasty.

Frustrating Tears

Okay so I know its been...well a long time...haha I have been a little busy. But I will make up for my long absence.

Over the summer I was struggling a lot with who I am, how people see me, and how I want people to see me. Which is one of the reasons why I haven't posted anything for awhile.

I am still confused. I really don't understand who God wants me to be. It has really been frustrating me, but it also caused me to dig deeper into His word. Every night I would come to God asking him "why?" Why am I doing this? Why do I feel this way? Why am I going here?

The cool thing about this is that I was frustrated and confused but my relationship with the Lord was growing and becoming everything I desired for it to be and more. I may have been lonely and hurt, but in those moments when I was crying out to Him he always brought joy after the tears.

" Do not grieve, for the joy of the Lord is your strength." Nehiemiah 8:10

I Will Wait

So all I can say about the past three weeks is "wow". God has revealed himself to me so many times and in so many ways. He has given me peace and understanding about my future that I have never had before. I finally feel that I am at a place where I can say that God has broken me of all the things in my past and I am now able to use those things to help others in their walk with the Lord. Let me tell ya its a good feeling! I've stopped dwelling on my mistakes and have begun to use them as a way to encourage others.

When I went to Blaze a few weeks ago God revealed to me that I had let go of some of my dreams. I had let Satan get a hold of them and rip them apart. I let Satan tell me that I was no longer worthy of these dreams and I didn't deserve them. I let go of these dreams without even knowing it, that's how Satan works. He does things slowly so that you don't notice it right away. These may have been small things that I desire for my future, but they were genuine. God reminded me of these things that I once dreamt about, and he re-lit that flame. Telling me that no matter what I have done I am still worthy of what He wants for me and I always will be. I let people take away these dreams. But they were not their dreams, they were mine. I just need to make sure I am letting God hold on to these dreams too other wise I may loose them again.

A verse that has stuck with me lately is psalm 62:5,

" My soul, wait thou only upon God...."

I tend to want to wait on the people around me, looking to others for guidance. I have become inpatient because I do that. I want to wait only for God. When I wait on the people around me I get inpatient, frustrated and hurt. These past few weeks I have been focusing on being patient, and waiting for Him. It has been so good for me. I have really seen God begin to give me a patient heart that is beginning to understand the gifts He has given me, and finally seeing where he wants to use me. He is preparing me for something soo great, I don't know what it is, but God has been building me up for it. As I wait I am learning to trust God more and more. The longer I wait the more trust I have in Him. Right now I feel like I am sitting in a huge waiting room, just waiting for my name to be called. I don't know when it will be or what it will be for, but I know that it will be amazing. There is nothing in this world that makes me happier than pleasing God. Don't wait on people, they are only of the world. Wait on God for he created the World.

There is a song by Shane and Shane, it's also a psalm, that says exactly what my heart is feeling.

psalm 13 by shane barnard

how long oh Lord will You forget me
how long oh Lord will You hide
hide Your face from me
how long must i wrestle with me
and everyday have sorrow in my heart
sorrow in my heart

I will wait on You
I will wait on You
I will wait on You

look on me Lord and answer me
give my eyes light or I will sleep in death
I will sleep in death
my enemies say "I will overcome him"
and my foes rejoice even when I fall
I don't want to fall

for I will trust in Your unfailing love
my heart rejoices in Your salvation
I will sing to the Lord


*Be Patient. Wait on the Lord. Dwell in His presents.*

Shane and Shane Baby!!

So I just want to tell Y'all I am in looove with Shane and Shane right now! They rock my socks off! They have a beautiful Passion for Christ. God has given them such an awesome gift of worship.

I surrender all

I realized this last week that I had not given EVERYTHING to God. I still wanted to be in control of a small part of my life, not knowing how freeing it is to actually not be in control anymore. I have tried giving God everything and I thought I had but last week as I sat staring at the beautiful land He has created I realized how perfect He makes EVERYTHING. The closest I will ever come to perfection is by giving God EVERYTHING. He makes everything perfect. I need to stop living on my time and let God BLESS me with His time.....His PERFECT time.

Worries, Doubts, Fears, Dreams, Goals, friendships, joys, achievements, tears, pain, family, plans, my life, my future, my ALL. Lord take them, make them yours.

Your all I want, Your all I need, Your everything. - Jason wade

Tears

Oh what a week I have had..... with all the homework I have been doing and being a little emotionally unstable, it was tough. It brings tears to my eyes just thinking about it. I've really been struggling with feeling that I haven't been the friend that God wants me to be. Last week it hit me hard and I could feel satan attacking me. I had this nagging voice telling me that I need to be a better friend, that I don't talk to my friends enough, and that I don't deserve them.....the hard part was that I believed it. I took it to heart and it eat me up inside. Every night I read my bible trying to find answers, trying to find reasons not to believe the voice,and it helped it gave me reassurance, but every morning it was back. Mocking me, and pushing me farther down. The ironic thing is that the good came at night and the bad came during the day. Isn't light supposed to represent good and dark represents evil? So why am I feeling this horrible evil when I am in the light? I don't know the answer.... I don't know why I am feeling this way. But, I was tired, physically and emotionally. I didn't know where to go or what to do. I just kept it all inside hoping that it would go away. I went to church on Sunday and this was one of the verses Pastor Rich spoke about.

"Come to me, all who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." Matthew 11: 28-30

This is exactly what I needed. God to whisper in my ear and tell me that he is right beside me, holding my hand, and wiping the tears from my eyes. His voice is louder then that nagging voice, even when he whispers.

I want all my friends to know that I love and care about you guys sooo much. I'm sorry if I have not been there for you guys.... I really want to be. I wanna know what is going on with you and I want to hear where your heart it at. I want to know when you are struggling and I want to be there for you to pray for you and encourage you. I really do. Love you all.

Rebecca and I during our long car ride to Spokane! 

The tourists up at the top of Dishman hills. 

Rebecca is ready for the long hike up the mountain, with her front pack. 

aww its Dan! oh and Rebecca and me.... 

Rebecca is putting a flower in my hair for the photo shot! 

Here Conner was trying to kill Rebecca and I.

Spokane or Bust!

Oh my goodness so in about 45 hours I will be on my way to Spokane! I don't know if I can make it that long...... I'm sitting at my desk trying to write a paper yet I keep finding myself staring out my window thinking about all the fun things I am gonna be doing! ahh I can't take it. Why do professors feel the need to give us more homework the week before spring break then they have the whole semester! Silly little Professors...What are they thinking. Oh how I wish I could fast forward through time to friday at 5pm when Rebecca, Tina, and Conner come to pick me up and we all bust out in song because we are so excited! hahaha.. oh that is a funny picture in my head I can see it now! hehe....I think if I had a super power, that's what I would want it to be....Okay well I better get back to that paper.......right my paper... kluvyabye.....

The Wedding

okay so I know this took me FOREVER! hehe...but hey I am a college student, I'm always busy with homework so give me a break. So here are just a few of the pictures from my brothers wedding. Yeah this is just a very, very, very small sample of all the pictures. The photographer took over 600 pictures. There is 6 discs of pictures and a DVD. WOW! But they are all amazing pictures. Anyway is was an amzaing day. I am so happy that my brother has found someone who is so genuine and gentle, just like him... he deserves the best!

I just found this picture of me and my brother. This was in the summer before he was married!  

My family. With my new sister in-law! She looked beautiful.... 

Here is the whole wedding party. It was so beautiful! 

You still call me Child

Lord be my hope
Lord be my light
Lord give me strength when I have no will to fight

Lord hear my prayer
Lord hear my cry
Lord hear my voice in the dark and lonely night

Lord you see my faults
Lord you see my scares
Lord you see my mistakes, yet you still call me child

My prayer

Lord when will this blindfold be removed from my eyes, so that I may see the world as you see it. Give me a heart for the lost and strength to help the broken.

Peace with God brings the peace of God. It is a peace that settles our nerves, fills our mind, floods our spirit, and in the midst of the uproar around us, gives us the assurance that everything is all right.
-Bob Mumford

It's already been a year of change for me. I have a sister in-law and a niece! My brother got married on January 14th! I was a wonderful day. I will post some pictures when I have them. My heart has been so uneasy lately yet at the same time I have been full of excitment and joy. With classes starting up again and having to get back into the homework scene and also things I am just dealing with personally I really haven't been at peace. Yet in the past few weeks I have been feeling a great love for the people around me. I am so greatful for the friends that I have and blessed to have people that care about me. It is amazing how God gives us exactly what we need and when we need it. He is exactly what I need!